Two Weeks Later and Still in Mourning

It’s been over two weeks since Christmas Day when that damned BBC news alert popped up on my phone announcing the death of George Michael. I remember feeling paralyzed as I was sitting down to have Christmas dinner with my family.

I haven’t been the same ever since.

I keep telling myself that I’m 49 years old, have a bunch of grey hair on my head and am not supposed to be thinking or acting like this. I keep telling myself that I’m not some silly teen, devastated that my pop idol died.

But I keep returning to YouTube, playing his songs and clicking that auto-repeat button.

This one in particular.

Tell me, I guess that cupid was in disguise
The day you walked in and changed my life
I think it’s amazing
The way that love can you set you free
So now I walk in the midday sun
I never thought that my savior would come
I think it’s amazing
I think it’s amazing
I think you’re amazing

And I think back at why this song— or other George Michael songs for that matter— Faith, Freedom, Jesus to a Child and so many more— and why George Michael himself, meant so much to me.

It’s because he was with me when I had that “amazing” feeling when that person walked into my life and made me feel amazing.

It’s because he was right there comforting me with “Jesus with a Child” when I was dealing with my own friends that I saw succumb to the AIDS epidemic in the 1990s. And of course, he was right there next to me when I was able to have the courage to come out and get that badly-deserved “Freedom” that all humans deserve— that freedom to be who they were born and love who they please.

It might be all justification that I have in my mind and I’m just comforting myself, telling my “immature self” that it’s OK to mourn your pop idol.

Fortunately, a fellow-forty-something friend and fellow-moaner nailed it wth a comment on my Facebook post about my feelings.

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